Your atmosphere is amazing, hazy and dreary, yet with something beneath everything, something I cannot exactly name, but it only adds to the sense of dread. I love the dialogue as well, it’s surreal and reminds of both Pirandello or Ionesco. Looking forward to the upcoming Acts.
Thank you! The dialogue was absolutely inspired by Pirandello and Lonesco. I actually read The Lesson and Right You Are before writing this and the vibe of those plays is a huge influence on this story.
There’s a preview for Act 2 on my profile called 0000 if you want to check that out. Fair warning though, Act 2 takes a very interesting turn from where Act 1 ends.
I just read An Actors Illness. I will reflect on it now. From the point of view of technique and the surreal density of the imagery it is full of virtuosity. I'm twenty-eight now so I don't know how that compares to your age, but this nonetheless feels like the striking, vibrant energy of an original perhaps young thinker. I agree with the particular images Ellis has pointed out as being important. It really reads like a film; the final paragraph describes a man floating “like a jellyfish behind him"; what a palpable image. “The hospital fell from the sky,” too.
I’m 18 (19 in literally an hour) so your spot on about me being a youngin! And thank you for the praise it mean a lot and yeah don’t let that jellyfish image pass you over, it’s arguably one of the many keys to understanding the whole story thematically speaking!
That's insane mate! To do all this writing at 18. Keep on doing it, and be as ambitious as you are. Don't ever give up, or settle, you could be anything!
Thank you so much for the encouragement that means so much and I’m absolutely not gonna give up or settle, I’m too curious to even consider doing such a thing
The Anonymous Casino being like a pirate ship, the desert of skin and pustulous mountains all build a striking setting that mirrors all that haunts Tim Cape, as if the world is against him and the environment itself reflects that. Evocative and surreal!
This was very good. I like the unreliable narrator and the overall sense of dread and internal deterioration. Will be reading Act 2 in the near future.
As you have not asked for critique in the traditional sense, I will not give it. Instead, I will just impart what I liked about the piece and the talents you should focus on moving forward. Firstly, for a writer as young as yourself, this is a lofty undertaking and you're handling it very well. Your real strength lies in your descriptors and your dialogue, not only do you have some really killer lines, but on occasion those develop into hard hitting and evocative sections overall. On top of that you have managed to capture the underlying haze of a surreal and rotting world.
In future acts I'd lean into what’s already hitting. Tim feels like the center of reality, and the more everything bends around his identity and existential crisis, the stronger the piece becomes. The imagery is striking but when a moment lands, giving it just a fraction more space will make it stick, otherwise keep the high voltage energy. That's such a great strength you have, even when the characters rest it feels like the story is frantic, there's energy. The symbolism you have in play is awesome, and letting it echo naturally, will deepen the meaning without needing to explain it. That thread of performance versus reality is already doing real work, the further you push it, the sharper the whole piece gets. And the voice is confident, strange, and fully committed to itself, keeping that edge is what will keep it alive.
Your atmosphere is amazing, hazy and dreary, yet with something beneath everything, something I cannot exactly name, but it only adds to the sense of dread. I love the dialogue as well, it’s surreal and reminds of both Pirandello or Ionesco. Looking forward to the upcoming Acts.
Thank you! The dialogue was absolutely inspired by Pirandello and Lonesco. I actually read The Lesson and Right You Are before writing this and the vibe of those plays is a huge influence on this story.
There’s a preview for Act 2 on my profile called 0000 if you want to check that out. Fair warning though, Act 2 takes a very interesting turn from where Act 1 ends.
I just read An Actors Illness. I will reflect on it now. From the point of view of technique and the surreal density of the imagery it is full of virtuosity. I'm twenty-eight now so I don't know how that compares to your age, but this nonetheless feels like the striking, vibrant energy of an original perhaps young thinker. I agree with the particular images Ellis has pointed out as being important. It really reads like a film; the final paragraph describes a man floating “like a jellyfish behind him"; what a palpable image. “The hospital fell from the sky,” too.
I’m 18 (19 in literally an hour) so your spot on about me being a youngin! And thank you for the praise it mean a lot and yeah don’t let that jellyfish image pass you over, it’s arguably one of the many keys to understanding the whole story thematically speaking!
That's insane mate! To do all this writing at 18. Keep on doing it, and be as ambitious as you are. Don't ever give up, or settle, you could be anything!
Thank you so much for the encouragement that means so much and I’m absolutely not gonna give up or settle, I’m too curious to even consider doing such a thing
The Anonymous Casino being like a pirate ship, the desert of skin and pustulous mountains all build a striking setting that mirrors all that haunts Tim Cape, as if the world is against him and the environment itself reflects that. Evocative and surreal!
This was very good. I like the unreliable narrator and the overall sense of dread and internal deterioration. Will be reading Act 2 in the near future.
As you have not asked for critique in the traditional sense, I will not give it. Instead, I will just impart what I liked about the piece and the talents you should focus on moving forward. Firstly, for a writer as young as yourself, this is a lofty undertaking and you're handling it very well. Your real strength lies in your descriptors and your dialogue, not only do you have some really killer lines, but on occasion those develop into hard hitting and evocative sections overall. On top of that you have managed to capture the underlying haze of a surreal and rotting world.
In future acts I'd lean into what’s already hitting. Tim feels like the center of reality, and the more everything bends around his identity and existential crisis, the stronger the piece becomes. The imagery is striking but when a moment lands, giving it just a fraction more space will make it stick, otherwise keep the high voltage energy. That's such a great strength you have, even when the characters rest it feels like the story is frantic, there's energy. The symbolism you have in play is awesome, and letting it echo naturally, will deepen the meaning without needing to explain it. That thread of performance versus reality is already doing real work, the further you push it, the sharper the whole piece gets. And the voice is confident, strange, and fully committed to itself, keeping that edge is what will keep it alive.
Keep on stiving forward and well done, my friend.